It Loves Me, It Loves Me Not

Mar 13

Staring at my phone, there are miniature versions of myself trapped in a grid of squares. The longer I stare, the less it looks like me. A pattern of pouting, posing, carefully constructed outfits, and a subconsciously, but annoyingly satisfying, colour scheme. Am I the only one that feels like Instagram is my toxic lover, oldest best friend, educator, inspiration, and down-right enemy all at once?

There is no doubt that Instagram can be an extremely beneficial platform to stay connected to friends and family and to create a portfolio of life. It is full of memories and has endless uses. With 500 millions users every day, practically every person you know can be found via that search bar. But I feel as though I have fallen into the trap of Instagram’s pressures, control, and general unhealthiness. As scholars look into the rise in depression for social media users, I think the conversation of Instagram’s toxicity is not one that can be taken lightly.

The topic of self-representation came to my awareness in my A-Level Media Studies where I learnt about Web 2.0, or websites with emphasis on consumer created content and interaction between online users. I also learned about how Gen Z has the power to represent themselves online. This representation can be extremely liberating, but it also terrifies me. As filters, editing, and Photoshop evolve and become more accessible, I ask myself a number of questions: is it as easy to lose your identity as it is to find it? Am I catfishing myself? Do I represent a false identity I have subconsciously constructed? Am I too worried about the perfect angle or lighting? These sorts of thoughts are undoubtedly harmful. But social media is an addictive, toxic lover. TikTok has even informed me that ‘casual posting’ (not caring about what you post anymore as though it is 2014 again) is the latest trend. But isn’t that even a construct in itself? I can’t keep up.

I know I am not alone in how much social media plays on my mind. When I asked my friends and other writers at PILOT what their own personal relationships with Instagram are like, it seemed performativity and comparing ourselves to others are common concerns. My friends revealed how much they compare not just their looks, but their lifestyle, to others online. It is unsettling the sort of perspectives Instagram is manufacturing. Instagram changes the frame in which young people see the world so surely we want it to be a beneficial frame; one that is actually able to distinguish between reels and reality.

Overwhelmed by my own overthinking, I decide it is time to break up my relationship with Instagram and spend less time on social media. I need to be in control of Instagram rather than letting myself believe it is in control of me! But it is so difficult when such apps are literally designed to be addictive (switching off notifications, limiting screen time, and switching to nighttime mode can all help with this btw). Then I remember that Instagram is not all bad. Scrolling through my feed, I remind myself that online versions of the self are only a minute fraction of that person’s life. And nine times out of ten, feeds are only full of what users want you to see. Instagram is not real life afterall and admitting that to myself elicits a more positive perspective. My determination is to make Instagram a lover rather than an enemy.

Perhaps I should go back to the beginning and reconsider what I actually downloaded Instagram for and recognise it’s beneficial uses. Instagram and I became friends when I was about 12 and I could share my favourite nail varnishes, outfit pics, and an unironic plethora of hashtags and corny captions. Filters were used to saturate and colour posts back then rather than completely disguise the way we look. I find enjoyment in taking photos and sharing or finding content which is creative, positive, and inspiring. I mean, it is thanks to PILOT’s colourful Instagram page that I am now writing for the magazine. My favourite feature on the app has grown to be the ‘save’ button, creating folders just the same as I would Pinterest boards. I collect outfits I enjoy, makeup looks created by influencers, illustrations, and funky interior designs in binary folders.

As well as using Instagram as a tool to find inspiration, Instagram gives us the power to be inspirational. Instagram educates me on mental health, activism, and politics everyday because people are increasingly sharing informative links, quotes, and charities. I have another ‘saved’ folder dedicated to this. Instagram is full of support if you find and follow the right accounts. It doesn’t have to feel like a lonely, dystopian environment. Self-representation means we as a generation actually have so much power to use our voices and speak up about what is important to us. This especially benefits those who are marginalised. We can openly support small businesses, or start our own. We can defy beauty standards. Sharing personal experiences and opinions in a series of captions and photos is actually an extremely vulnerable situation, as though we are allowing all of our followers (and others) to peak inside our journals. I strongly believe such honesty, once generated, catalyzes identification and encourages imitation for those that come across it.

But how do we eradicate the toxicity from Instagram for once and for all? First, unfollow anyone that you find yourself comparing yourself to. Remember Instagram should be fun and not taken too seriously! This is something I will also be telling myself more often. Then, add the accounts below to your following list - recommended by the staff at PILOT and you, our readers. Let us help each other to build feeds which bring nothing but joy and motivation.

It is okay to not always feel happy or inspired. It is okay if you need a break every now and again. It is okay to not conform to the ‘rules’ of when to post or what to post. At the end of the day, Instagram is not important in comparison to other world problems. Personally, I am still trying to distinguish when my relationship with Instagram feels like love and when it feels like hate. The sooner I can recognise the issues I have with the app, the sooner I can get to fixing my relationship with it. In 2021 I hope Instagram can be my best friend again and before you know it, maybe I will start recognising myself in those little squares.

Instagram accounts everyone should have in their following list….

@pilotmagazined (of course)

@wearefeelgoodclub